I’m calling bullshit.

So I’m pretty sure that no woman would want a pap smear as a present. And a Jewish woman…well…I’ll just stop here.

thisiswhyyourefat: Oreo S’more (Submitted by Carolyn) Shouldn’t it be called a “S’moreo”?

thisiswhyyourefat:

Oreo S’more

(Submitted by Carolyn)

Shouldn’t it be called a “S’moreo”?

Not gonna bore ya…

But I lost my job.  So now I’m working at the restaurant that I worked before “the job”.  This should provide many insightful and/or retarded stories.  Up first:  Today a guy ordered a Rueben sandwich with no meat.  That’d be a sour-kraut sandwich with thousand island dressing on rye bread.  Think about it.  Mmmmm…dry, huh.

For Bradley

Unlike me and Bradley, this dude has a job.  And he’s a pro. Look at me…a pro.

Dear Internet

The opposite of win is lose. The opposite of fail is succeed.

A Douche By Any Other Name

A guy with the same name as me just sent me a friend request.  My name is kind of unique so its interesting that there happens to be, somewhere out of millions of people, someone else with my same name.  And I just remembered something…no its fucking not.  It would have been funny to see reactions from people when I “befriended” myself, but also sending a request to my wife too was pretty stupid.  I’m gonna put this in the same category of douche as the guys in college that stopped by one day because, “Dude, we lived in this house last year! Can we look around?”    We’ll call this category: People who probably don’t know the meaning of ironic. Because I’m pretty sure they all thought it was.

Beware the In-Laws: Volume 2

I got a call one afternoon from my grandmother asking me to meet her at Office Depot right down the street from my house.  She sounded frantic and like she needed help, so I said sure thing, give me 5 minutes.  When I pull in I see my dad, mom and aunt all pull in right behind me.  We all park and start looking at each other like what the hell is going on?!?!  We meet grandmommy right outside of the store and she tells us to all go to a different corner of the store and we will see a cart full of different items.  She then handed us some cash and a wad of coupons and we were off.  Well, turns out, she had loaded up one cart with all this crap and the Office Depot people told her it was limited to one deal per person.  So, she dragged her entire family on a tuesday afternoon to help her save $10 on office supplies.

-Another story from my wife