What Everybody’s Thinking

I’m not Un-American. I watch the Winter Olympics so that proves the point, but I have to say I hate our Nation’s darling snowboarder with a passion. I’m speaking of Shaun White.  If you don’t know who that is, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. Rest assured he’ll be gracing a Wheaties box at your local grocery store within a week after pulling off his second gold medal last night in Vancouver.

Why do I hate him?  Well, most of it is pretty irrational, so I’ll focus on the small part of it that I can back up with cohesive statements instead of muddled ramblings that include plenty of pointless ad hominem attacks.

Basically, it’s because he’s an asshole.

The kid shows no humility or appreciation for the fact he’s only where he is because he grew up a snot-nosed rich kid with hippie parents that happened to live near a halfpipe.  I’m not saying he lacks talent, just the scope to recognize he’s very fortunate to have had the opportunity to develop it.

Take last night, the guy had the gold medal in the bag. He had won it, but he had a second run to do in the competition so he contemplates what to do with his ‘coach’ while the cameras conveniently run right on top of their conversation. He jokingly suggests he just ride straight down the middle of the halfpipe, yeah, great sportmanship, dickhole.  His ‘coach’ steps in and delivers a line that was obviously scripted where he tells Shaun to “Go for it! Do the McTwist!” To those that didn’t watch, apparently Shaun developed a super-secret, special, amazing, makes you want to blow your load move he dubbed the “Double McTwist 1260,” impressive huh? Makes me think of Charlie Sheen in Major League 2 naming his pitches.  Anyway, after the coreographed exchange with his coach designed to sale a McDonald’s milkshake called the McTwist in two weeks he runs his pretty little mouth about how awesome it’s gonna be and goes and does it perfectly (it’s pretty amazing, seriously, but that doesn’t help my argument).  Now, I’m all for athleticism and talent, but this is the fucking Olympics. This is where sportmanship is supposed to still survive the celebrity and general cockery that’s overwhelmed pro sports - I’m looking at you NBA! And we’re represented by this son-of-a-bitch who’s competing in a sport that’s at the Olympics because the USA lobbied to include it several years ago when just a few other countries were even able to provide competitors. It’s kind of like a fat guy challenging a 100 lbs girl to an eating contest. It’s a perfect example of why terrorists and the rest of the world hate us. This little prince outperforming everyone else with very little grace, no honor, and going into the competition as though it were a pre-ordained outcome designed by the God of snow himself (that’s Tom Sizemore, by the way).  It takes me back to little league where that evil team The Wolfpack had 13-year-old shills playing in the 11-12 year old division so they could keep their 10 year championship streak alive. Or those skeleton fuckers from Karate Kid!  I wish Miyagi was still around to roundhouse kick this douche in the mouth. (The snow already tried)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0maqPuuXGpI

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t like this guy. Not at all. I don’t think he’s a great figurehead for Americanism or whatever you’d call it.  So if that makes me Un-American, then I’m moving to Canada…after he leaves.